Anywhere Read online

  At the station, we only had to wait about half an hour for our train—just enough time to get cleaned up in the bathroom, thankfully. It’s amazing what splashing some water on your face, brushing your teeth, and pulling the grass out of your hair can do for you.

  On the train, green fields and thick forests rushed by the window, interrupted here and there by the blur of a town. I was struck with how unique each country was in its landscape, how each one was like a totally different world. And that made me wonder if the United States was like that too, if you could see that when you drove cross-country. I’d never been anywhere but New York and Connecticut—and they were very similar. Maybe I’d explore my own country someday. I kind of liked that idea.

  I looked over at Asher, who was studying a map. It’d be even more fun if he came too. But I couldn’t really think things like that—about a future that included Asher. It would just make leaving feel worse.

  “So, where are we going?” I said, and pointed at his map.

  “There’s this huge dune on the Atlantic coast of France,” he said without looking up. His hair curled at the ends, slightly damp, glinting gold in the morning light. I reached up to touch it. “I’ve kinda wanted to go there ever since I heard about it.”

  When he felt my fingers he turned and smiled. Then he leaned over to kiss me like we’d been doing this all our lives.

  “What do you think?” he said when he sat back.

  “Of the dune?” I said, my mind spinning just a little. I’m just saying, the boy could KISS. “I’ll go anywhere.”

  “Anywhere?” He got this wicked grin on his face that left me breathless. AND willing.

  “Anywhere.”

  And I would. I would have gone anywhere with him for the next week and a half. I was his for now. And way too soon I’d have to go back to reality.

  “The Dune of Pilat it is, then.” And he looked furiously happy. He reached for my hand, and pulled it into his lap as he turned to watch Germany go by.

  Time was going too fast. Everything was going too fast. I wanted to grab hold and slow things down. The train, my trip, my time with Asher. I wanted Paige to not be getting married so soon.

  God, her wedding was only two and a half weeks away. And it hit me that night, as we sped through France on the night train to Bordeaux, that there were likely to be a lot of people at her wedding that would have been at mine. We had all the same friends. I was going to have to face them all.

  Oh. Dear. God.

  At least she hadn’t invited my mother. There was that. I wouldn’t have to face her right away. She wouldn’t have invited her. Paige didn’t like my mom.

  I pulled out my phone, though, because I had to be sure.

  ME: Please please please tell me you didn’t invite my mom to your wedding. Please tell me that.

  I stared at my phone, waiting for her response. It was late afternoon in Connecticut. She should get my text right away. A few minutes later my phone buzzed.

  PAIGE: Ooookay…I didn’t invite her.

  ME: Oh, thank GOD.

  PAIGE: (Except maybe my mom did.)

  ME: NOOOOOOOO!

  PAIGE: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! She sent out invites right away and since my parents had been invited to your wedding, Mom reciprocated. She did it before I had a chance to stop her. I’m so SO sorry.

  Shit.

  ME: When did the invites go out?

  PAIGE: Last week.

  Fuck. My mother knew I was coming home early and I’d have to see her in a little over two weeks. She’d have her talons polished, sharpened, and ready. And it was going to be at a WEDDING. Mother-of-fucking-god. I wasn’t prepared. This trip hadn’t been long enough.

  Suddenly there wasn’t enough air on the train no matter how much I breathed, and I was starting to hyperventilate again. Asher looked at me, alarm on his face, then glanced down at my phone.

  PAIGE: Skye? Are you there? I’m really, really sorry, Skye. I should have told you as soon as I found out, but I didn’t want to upset you.

  “Skye, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” Asher said. He was already pulling out a bag and handing it to me, taking the phone out of my hand. “Try to breathe slow,” he said softly. “That’s it, slow it down. Good.”

  I took a couple of calming breaths, then put the bag down in my lap. Then I lay my head back and tried desperately not to cry. Asher was going to think I was insane, falling apart over something as stupid as seeing my mother. And doing it so freaking often.

  Why was I so afraid of her? So she didn’t approve of me. So what? She never really had, so why was I still worrying about it? Why was I still trying if I hadn’t succeeded in the last twenty-two years?

  Because I was stupid.

  And because she was my mother. Do you ever really get over trying to please your mom?

  I wasn’t over it. Thinking about seeing her made me feel as awful as I had before I left. And, yes, I’d stood up to her over the phone. But that was a LOT different than doing it face-to-face. Plus I’d had an OCEAN as a buffer. I’d be lying if I said distance had not been a factor in my sudden burst of spunk.

  I felt free here, far away from my mom.

  Wow.

  I did feel free. I’d never felt like that before. Not even in college. For the first time in my life I was totally free. And the only way I was going to keep my freedom, I realized, was by living far away from home. Far, far away.

  I looked out the window at the few lights twinkling in the deep darkness. I would go home to Paige’s wedding, I’d get through it as best I could, then I’d pack my stuff into my car and drive. I could start looking for a job during that week before the wedding when I wasn’t helping Paige. I had money left over from this trip, and a little bit in my savings. And I could just choose somewhere to go and find any job there until I found the right place for me.

  I could do that.

  I would do that.

  I looked at Asher and felt like laughing.

  “Wow,” he said, a hesitant smile on his face. “You go from one extreme emotion to another in two-point-six seconds flat.” He cupped one side of my face. “I don’t even know what to ask you about—the hyperventilating or the smile.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t apologize. You feel the way you feel, Skye. You have every right.”

  In some ways I didn’t understand his response. Everyone in my life always wanted something from me. But I couldn’t tell with him. What did Asher want?

  “Why are you so nice to me?” I whispered.

  “Because I like you.” He brought his other hand up to my face, leaned in toward me. “Because it’s so easy to be nice to you. And I can’t say that about anyone else.”

  And his lips were on mine—sweet, gentle, tasting, exploring, waking up all my secret spots. I couldn’t help thinking as he kissed me, that maybe—just maybe—the only thing Asher wanted from me was me.

  Where had this boy been all my life?

  And why couldn’t I keep him?

  twenty-two

  “Yup, this is one big-ass dune.” Asher stood at the crest of the single biggest pile of sand I’d ever seen. It looked like it went on forever—it didn’t, but at well over a mile and a half long and three hundred feet tall, it sure looked like it did.

  Big-ass didn’t even begin to describe it.

  Pain-in-the-ass was how I was feeling about having to climb it.

  We’d arrived in Arcachon this morning, found a place to stay, then went out to the dune this afternoon. It was amazing, to say the least. A HUGE expanse of light sand completely surrounded on three sides by pine forests. The other side opened up to the Atlantic ocean.

  And we were the only people here.

  How was that even possible?

  Not that I was complaining. I was glad to be away from the crowds and grateful to have the place to ourselves. But still. How could people not be flocking here constantly? Well, it was l
ate in the day. Maybe they’d already been here and gone.

  We walked down the side of the dune to the oceanfront. The water lapping at the sand stretched out in a clear blue expanse that really did go on forever. Thousands of miles away on the other side of that ocean was my life.

  I sat down in the sand and stared out at the water, the sun lowering above it. As amazing as this was, I was going to be dealing with my life soon. It sure had the potential to suck. Actually, scratch that. I was certain that the suckage was pretty much guaranteed.

  “I wish this was my life,” I said after we’d sat there for a while.

  “Sitting here on what could be the world’s biggest dune avec moi?”

  Actually, YES. I was wishing my life was anywhere with him. But I wasn’t going to admit that. It was too soon to be thinking like that—we’d known each other for less than a month—let alone say it to him.

  So instead I ignored his question and bumped him with my shoulder. “I highly doubt this is the world’s biggest dune. There have got to be bigger ones in the deserts, don’t you think?”

  “Could be,” he said, then bumped me back. “This sounds suspiciously like the Start of a Quest.”

  “For the world’s biggest dune? Um…no. I’d rather we go back to gelato.”

  “Yeah, but we completed that quest back in Venice. We’ve been Questless for too many countries.”

  That made me smile. For the girl who’d never gone anywhere, I’d been to four countries in three weeks, seen and done so much, experienced little parts of the world that were so different from mine. And was now sitting here casually talking about gelato we had in Venice.

  Oh my god, I wanted this to be my life.

  “Asher,” I said, “what are you going to do when you get home?”

  He looked at me intensely, thinking. Then he shook his head. “I haven’t figured that out yet. It depends.” Then he got to his feet and walked over to the water’s edge.

  It depends. Those two words said so much. He was talking about Tamara, obviously. It would depend on how it went with her in London, whether they’d really pick up where they left off. Whether he’d marry her. I felt sick at the thought so I pushed it out of my mind.

  Asher wasn’t mine. Whatever we were doing was just a temporary thing. We both knew that, but I had to keep reminding myself. It was the only way I was going to be able to leave him.

  He took off his shoes and stepped into the water. I watched him for a while, bathed in the warmth of late afternoon light, the sun almost hitting the horizon behind him. This man-boy I’d chanced into on my first day alone. I was starting to feel as if that may have been the luckiest day of my life.

  And the unluckiest. Because a week and a half from now was going to suck. I was staring at way too much future suckage.

  But I didn’t want to think about that right now. We were here, alone on what was probably NOT the world’s largest dune no matter what Asher said, staying in a gorgeous little town a couple of miles up the coast, and away from the crowds. I was going to enjoy the time we had.

  I slipped my sandals off, stood up, and went to join him in the water.

  The future could wait. For now, I had Asher.

  We spent the rest of the week not doing much more than walking on the beach in Arcachon…that is, when we left our room. I couldn’t get enough of Asher now that I’d had him, and would have spent the entire week in bed if he’d let me. But, he reasoned, we were in France. We should at least get out a little each day to soak up the experience.

  At that moment, though, the only experience I wanted to soak up was Asher.

  “You looked so lost in Gare de Lyon that day,” Asher said, his hand smoothing the back of my hair, then his fingers tracing patterns on my skin. We lay tangled together, legs and arms wrapped up in each other.

  “I was trying to talk myself into going.” God, it felt like a lifetime ago, standing in that train station trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. “It wasn’t going well. Then my mother called and demanded I come home. Obviously, I had to stay.”

  He laughed softly. “I think I love your mom.”

  “That’s only because you haven’t met her yet.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Why did I say yet? Like I thought he’d meet her someday. Like we were actually going to stay together.

  But he didn’t seem to notice the slip…or maybe he just didn’t mind it. I didn’t know. Either way, he didn’t say anything about it and I was glad for that.

  His hands ran up and down my spine, giving me shivers. I snuggled closer and something occurred to me.

  “Were you really going to Rome that day?” I said.

  He was quiet for a moment. Then he said, “Nope. I was headed for Spain. But as soon as you looked at me…I don’t know… I just knew I was going to go anywhere you were. And Josh totally would have approved. He was always following the girl.”

  I smiled into his chest and pressed a kiss to his warm, soft skin. I ran my hand lightly over his stomach and let my fingers trail south. He moaned and tightened his arms around me. I climbed on top of him, sliding my body slowly up his until I could reach his mouth. Then I leaned down to kiss him, my feelings overwhelming me, wanting to show him how much he meant to me.

  He ran his hands down my sides, his fingers lightly skimming my skin and trailing down my thighs to my knees as I straddled him. He slid his hands up the insides of my thighs, making me gasp when they met in the middle.

  “Oh, Asher,” I breathed, “I need…”

  He smiled as he circled my ache with his thumb, and I lost the ability to speak.

  “All I need is the beautiful Skye above me,” he whispered, his eyes never leaving my face as I writhed in his hands. Then he lifted his head and took my nipple into his mouth, sucking gently as it tightened, sending me over the edge—up, up, up until I burst in ecstasy.

  If I was the sky, he was the sun.

  I lowered myself onto him, taking him in. And as he reached heights of his own, he cried out like he was worshiping my name.

  twenty-three

  “Come on, it’s our last night here,” Asher said, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “And the beach is deserted. Who’s going to see?”

  I looked up and down the beach. He was right—there was no one out here but us. And the stars. The sky was clear, moonlight sparkled over the expanse of water in front of us. Behind us, the town glowed with ornate streetlights and restaurants in full swing. The tendency of the French to eat late had given us this opportunity.

  Skinny-dipping in the ocean.

  “What if someone comes out here?” I said. “Sure, we’re alone now, but ANYONE could walk down the beach at ANY TIME.”

  He laughed and wrapped his arms around me. “And what if they do? There are people out here sunbathing half-naked all day long. And some of the beaches around here are clothing COMPLETELY optional.” He let go and took my hands in both of his. “Skye, no one’s going to care or even notice. Come on. It’s FUN.”

  It did sound fun—in an it’s-against-the-rules sort of way. Even though, clearly in this culture it wasn’t. But still, it felt that way to me, and not that she’d ever said as much, but my mother would NOT approve.

  Okay, that sealed it. I was totally doing this.

  “You’re adorkable,” Asher said.

  “Shut up.” I laughed and pushed him away. Then ran down the beach a little farther from the town’s lights. It was no big deal, right? I was going to swim naked in the ocean as people had been doing for thousands of years.

  Before I lost my nerve, I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it on the sand. Asher whooped and started undressing as my shorts, underwear, and bra quickly followed.

  It was stupid, I know, but I felt shy standing out there on the sand, naked with him. I mean, we’d practically spent the entire week naked together. He’d explored every inch of my body (and done it very, VERY well, I might add). But it felt different, being out in the open, the oce
an breeze caressing my bare skin all over. My senses were hyperaware—my skin singing with sensations I’d never felt before—and I could feel EVERYTHING. The pulse of the waves, the air swirling between us, the heat of Asher’s body even though he stood a couple of feet away, the warmth of his gaze traveling all over my body as I stood there completely bare in the moonlight, my heart beating just for him.

  He reached a hand out to me and I laced my fingers with his.

  “Ready?” he said, and I nodded. I didn’t trust my voice at that moment. Because I was feeling things for Asher that I shouldn’t have been. I pushed them away as we ran into the water.

  The feel of the water against my skin—with no bathing suit to get in the way—was intoxicating. Water touching me everywhere as I dove under, plus knowing Asher was naked just a few feet from me…oh my god. In seconds I was throbbing.

  NOW I understood why people went skinny-dipping.

  A couple of strokes and I had claimed his lips in mine, my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist. He was just as ready as me, his hardness slipping inside as I opened myself to welcome him in. His hands slid around my back, down my hips, and cupped my thighs.

  “Oh my god, Skye,” he whispered in my ear, his breathing ragged. “You feel SO good.”

  So did he. Every thrust brought me closer and closer until I was crying out for him, clinging to him, the taste of him mingled with salt water.

  When I let go of him, he said, “I’m kinda glad now that you’ve never gone skinny-dipping before.” I splashed the big, stupid grin on his face, and started to swim away. But he lunged for me and grabbed me, kissing me breathless. “I like that I was your first,” he whispered when he pulled away. “And that you were mine.”

  I knew exactly what he meant—we hadn’t used a condom. Obviously. For the first time in my life, I’d been so overwhelmed with someone that I hadn’t even thought about it. I did a quick calculation in my mind—I’d gotten my period just before I’d left for Europe, so I had about a week left of my cycle, which meant I was in the safe zone. THANK GOD. I didn’t need THAT kind of complication right now.